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michael baker
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Joined: 11 Oct 2011
Posts: 26
Location: United States of America
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When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
Chuck Norris doesn’ta have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
“It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
If you gave Chuck Norris a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second he can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare
When Chuck norris found this web-site while surfing the internet, he round house kicked his computer...10 new facts were added instantly.including this one
Archeologists in India recently uncovered a new dinosaur. It’s actually many dinosaurs but one is in the middle of all the others. The one in the middle is believed to have killed the others with a single roundhouse kick to the face. The archeologists wanted to call it ChuckNorrisaurs but the Indian government changed the name to Himotosaurous because it’s simply not possible for Mr. Norris to be killed.
If Chuck Norris were a calendar, every month would be named Chucktober, and every day he'd kick your ass.
Instead of having a cigarette after sex, Chuck Norris heads outside and brands his cattle.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down. |
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Pandora-Box
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Joined: 07 Sep 2006
Posts: 1592
Location: Andromeda Galaxy
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| chuck norris indeed lost to Bruce lee |
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daveporcelan
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Joined: 01 Dec 2006
Posts: 792
Location: Pennsylvania
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| Quote: |
| chuck norris indeed lost to Bruce lee |
It was in a movie, not an actual match.
Norris was a student of Lee's. |
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Pandora-Box
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| Norris agreed that he would be beaten in real match ;-) |
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michael baker
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Joined: 11 Oct 2011
Posts: 26
Location: United States of America
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Bruce Lee could land a punch in around five hundredths of a second (0.05 second) from 3 feet away, and from 5 feet away it was around eight hundredths of a second (0.08 second).
Lee could take in one arm a 75 lb barbell from a standing position with the barbell held flush against his chest and slowly stick his arms out locking them, holding the barbell there for several seconds.
Lee could perform one-hand push-ups using only the thumb and index finger.
Lee performed 50 reps of one-arm chin-ups.
Lee could cause a 300-lb (136.08 kg) bag to fly towards and thump the ceiling with a sidekick.
Lee could hold an elevated v-sit position for 30 minutes or longer.
Lee performed a sidekick while training with James Coburn and broke a 150 lb (68 kg) punching bag.
In a move that has been dubbed "Dragon Flag", Lee could perform leg lifts with only his shoulder blades resting on the edge of a bench and suspend his legs and torso horizontal midair.
Bruce Lee was able to jump 8 feet from a stand still (this was shown in pictures and his films such as the one where he kicked the lightbulb out).
Lee could break wooden boards 6 inches (15 cm) thick.
Lee could throw grains of rice up into the air and then catch them in mid-flight using chopsticks. - Witnessed by many such as Joe Hyams
Lee could thrust his fingers through unopened cans of Coca-Cola. (This was when soft drinks cans were made of steel much thicker than today's aluminum cans).
Bruce Lees is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the head.
Bruce Lee counted to infinity - twice.
Bruce Lee can touch MC Hammer. |
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PeterHolland
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Joined: 27 Oct 2009
Posts: 2481
Location: Netherlands, Amstelveen
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| Chuck Norris, Bruce Lee both of them never did beat me. |
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vasanthz
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Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 1745
Location: Tirupur, India
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| they never beat me too. if chuck norris was that great. I dare him to bang my head on keyboarD..aejfgnooooooooozsrbbbbbbbbbfvjo:SBDO:jlcnoasrnb;vuzerbaguhobaEUQgwrhsvb2erewqrt12D |
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dick scherrer
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Joined: 23 Nov 2006
Posts: 19243
Location: Inside the Matrix
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| Quote: |
| Bruce Lee counted to infinity - twice. |
Heh heh heh . . . |
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michael baker
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Joined: 11 Oct 2011
Posts: 26
Location: United States of America
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Only Chuck Norris can divide by zero
Chuck Norris knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. |
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Ed Goodman
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Joined: 08 Jun 2011
Posts: 556
Location: USA
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| Chuck Norris's programs only need one output file: SYSPUNCH. |
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dbzTHEdinosauer
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Joined: 20 Oct 2006
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Location: porcelain throne
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Pandora-Box
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Bruce lee can count infinite using his fingers "without repeating the same finger twice"  |
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Nic Clouston
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Joined: 10 May 2007
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Location: Hampshire, UK
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| But he can repeat ONCE or THREE OR MORE times? |
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Bill Woodger
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Joined: 09 Mar 2011
Posts: 7309
Location: Inside the Matrix
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| Bruce Lee can Unscrew the Inscrutable. Works better when you say it aloud... |
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dick scherrer
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| Chuck Norris might Screw(-up) the Inscrutable (again, better when said aloud) . . . |
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Ed Goodman
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Did you ever see when he was on The Tonight Show reading these? (I think it was Tonight Show) He was perplexed as to why this had become a meme.
My guess is that the Walker, Texas Ranger show does a little too much...theater when it comes to his abilities. Akin to the camera work you see on the detective shows, where they "zoom in and enhance" a security camera picture and can read a license plate reflected on the shiny buttons on a jacket.
Chuck did a commercial for something here and it was two guys running a website that listed these jokes. He shows up all angry at them and ends up running the company. |
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Ed Goodman
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Posts: 556
Location: USA
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| dbzTHEdinosauer wrote: |
did not want to copy what is already out there:
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Hey! Mine was original! |
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Bill Woodger
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Joined: 09 Mar 2011
Posts: 7309
Location: Inside the Matrix
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I thought mine was. A witty play on "Screw the Inscrutable" which I think (or imagine) is some pithy line delivered before some act of film violence. ("You cain't hit haim! Haim's Inscrutable! - "Well, STI" "|SOCKO!"
Seems, according to 30,000 google hits, I was not the first... six others even mention Bruce Lee.
I haven't google yours, Ed. 8)
Yes, I know. Something I learned, twice, today |
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dbzTHEdinosauer
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Joined: 20 Oct 2006
Posts: 6966
Location: porcelain throne
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| Quote: |
| I haven't google yours, Ed. 8) |
Bill, you need to change the 8) to - - ) (w/o spaces)
which will produce  .
please see |
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