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How to deal with bully at work place?

 
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DB2 Guy

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:37 am    Post subject: How to deal with bully at work place?
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Subject line says it all - and if you google for it, there are so many links explaining it, however, those links mostly talk on virtual situation. Have someone dealt it strongly enough, in real life - specially when the bully is at "better position" in company?
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Bill Woodger

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 1:52 pm    Post subject: Reply to: How to deal with bully at work place?
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I think most of what you find with google will not apply, because it will be from the US or the UK where there are very different "employment laws" (many) than those in the country where you work.

As well as the different laws, there is the "explosive expansion" of anything which might be interpreted by the recipient as "bullying" irrespective of the intent.

Which means in what you find with google, anything and everything can be "bullying", which in turn means that "bullying" there has no definition.

If you filter out the rubbish from google (not their fault) you might find some gems, but difficult as you don't know what to look for.

Along with no real employment law, you probably have no real "Union"? A Personnel or Human Resources department which is just interested in recruitment and paperwork?

Which dumps everything back into your lap.

First, talk to family. With the experience of that, talk to friends. With those experiences talk to co-workers. You might not get a "solution" but you might get "bits of a solution" from different places. Some "solutions" might not seem to directly address your sole individual problem. Some "solutions" might not work as first attempted, or may never work. You might find others in similar situations (even at your workplace, and even with the same person involved). As long as that doesn't end up as just moaning to each other, that can also get you somewhere.

I don't think there's a "simple" answer, and the solution you come up with is going to depend enormously on the specifics of the situation and the specifics of what you do.

Best wishes with it.
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enrico-sorichetti

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:01 pm    Post subject: Reply to: How to deal with bully at work place?
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Quote:
of anything which might be interpreted by the recipient as "bullying" irrespective of the intent.


given the attitude of too many posters even a RTFM is considered bullying here icon_cool.gif
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Pandora-Box

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:13 pm    Post subject:
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Quote:
given the attitude of too many posters even a RTFM is considered bullying here


Good one!!

Also to reply to TS to give them a chance to bully you .. How do you do that you need learn it by yourself.

Attitude can never be imposed
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Bill Woodger

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 2:49 pm    Post subject: Reply to: How to deal with bully at work place?
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Yes, exactly, but I think DB2Guy realises that, "those links mostly talk on virtual situation", and is facing something different, something "real life".
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DB2 Guy

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:32 pm    Post subject:
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Thanks Bill.

As they say, no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. But then, Bullies are people with low self esteem and can say anything which at times, take a toll on you. They are ready-victim of any change.

Forum itself is a virtual world, so there might be people who might get emotional about what one says here but one should not be. OTOH, if you've someone in your team, who is 'so called senior' because he/she is in same eproject longer than you, though as over all experience both of you are same, behave as a bully (for whatever cooked-up stories in his/her mind) - it becomes tough to wrok with them, especially when the managers just sit tdle as a piece-of-s*** doing nothing. It's a tough sitatuon to be in, for Indian IT.
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Bill Woodger

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 4:59 pm    Post subject: Reply to: How to deal with bully at work place?
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All I can suggest without myself being in your exact circumstances is CYA, big time.

CYA is "Cover Your Bottom", the American's have another word for "Bottom". This means, whatever the situation, you have documentation which ensures that it is not your own which is "exposed".

That "someone" tells you to do something, memo/e-mail them back, copy to superior, detailing what has been asked, and setting out any issues from that.

You want to ask or convey something to "someone", similar thing.

You get a query from some place, document it in the same way, and what you have done to that point.

You find a problem in a program, document it in the same way...

Etc.

When "someone" wants to drop on you, they can't "invent" (they still will), but at least no-one else will believe that it is something you have ignored/forgotten/are trying to hide, whatever the accusation on that occasion is.
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Gary McDowell

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 6:27 pm    Post subject:
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Quote:
A Personnel or Human Resources department which is just interested in recruitment and paperwork?

I have worked in HR as an IT Recruiter and this statement in my opinion is 100-percent false and insulting, and can only come from someone who is unfamiliar as to what HR really does.

As to the original posters question and as the moderators always say on this board - Did you read the Manual/Guidelines for your company? In short; document, document, document. Keep track/log of every instance of "bullying" - emails, phone calls, conversations, etc. I have experienced people in "better position" get fired for "bullying". Follow you HR guidelines and document everything.

Good luck.
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Ed Goodman

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:10 pm    Post subject:
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OK, I guess the first thing to realize is that in the USA, in most cases, bullying is NOT illegal. Just because someone is a jerk and a liar doesn't make them a criminal.

A LOT of people think that 'hostile environment' is referring to bullies, but it's not.

If your situation means you have been threatened with violence, then that's different. But someone yelling at you in meetings and calling you an idiot doesn't count.

So, what's your situation? How are you being bullied?
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Bill Woodger

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 7:47 pm    Post subject: Reply to: How to deal with bully at work place?
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I'd guess amongst this:

Falsely accused someone of "errors" not actually made (71 percent).
Made-up rules on the fly that even she/he did not follow (61 percent).
Disregarded satisfactory or exemplary quality of completed work despite evidence (discrediting) (58 percent).
Stole credit for work done by others (plagiarism) (47 percent).
Abused the evaluation process by lying about the person's performance (46 percent).
Declared target "insubordinate" for failing to follow arbitrary commands (46 percent).
Created unrealistic demands (workload, deadlines, duties) for person singled out (44 percent).
Sabotaged the person's contribution to a team goal and reward (41 percent).
Ensured failure of person's project by not performing required tasks, such as sign-offs, taking calls, working with collaborators (40 percent)

DB2Guy,

I suspect it is most of the above, from what you have written.

I doubt that anyone "over here" (ie not "over there") can help you at all, because your work conditions are on "another planet" compared to, for instance, the US.

Don't feel any obligation to answer personal questions.

I wish you well in this.

Best regards,

Bill
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DB2 Guy

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 8:13 pm    Post subject:
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Ed Goodman wrote:
So, what's your situation? How are you being bullied?
Bill has picked them well:

Falsely accused someone of "errors" not actually made.
Made-up rules on the fly that even she/he did not follow.
Disregarded satisfactory or exemplary quality of completed work despite evidence.
Abused the evaluation process by lying about the person's performance.
Created unrealistic demands (workload, deadlines, duties) for person singled out.
Sabotaged the person's contribution to a team goal and reward.
Ensured failure of person's project by not performing required tasks, such as sign-offs, taking calls, working with collaborators.
Making false aligations which don't even exist and on cross verification they find it wrong but they do it again.
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dick scherrer

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 9:21 pm    Post subject:
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Hello,

If you haven't alreddy, begin documenting each situation. Note the date, time, the particulars and the people involved.

Suggest this not be left on your "work pc" as often people have ways to see what you have been recording. If your organization is basically honest, this may not be a concern.

If you have been a victim of some bully, others may have also. If it ever becomes more widely known, having documentation can work in your favor.

Just keeping a record may help your state of mind.
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Gary McDowell

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 10:34 pm    Post subject:
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Sorry Bill you cannot figure out what "insulting" meant from the context of how I used it. I guess if you keep going-on it will become adding insult to injury (to do or say something that makes a bad situation even worse for someone).

:-)
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dick scherrer

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 08, 2013 11:59 pm    Post subject:
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Hello,

Unfortunately, what we actually write is taken not as intended due to prior circumstances (having nothing to do with the topic at hand).

Suggest we chalk this one up to a misunderstanding and not try to dissect it.
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Ed Goodman

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 8:28 am    Post subject:
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hate to say it, but all of that is par for the course. That person is going to hurt a LOT of people before they reach the end of their line.

I think that as techies, we're not cut out to play those games. The best we can do is try to figure out who their friends are and who they are afraid of. After that, it becomes obvious what to do.
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Bill Woodger

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 11:57 am    Post subject: Reply to: How to deal with bully at work place?
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I'd hate to work anywhere you have then, Ed :-) (I have to be explicit after yesterday, I'm not saying that it is you involved, Ed, but that you seem to be a trifle unlucky).

I've never come across this.

They're a techie as well, so what are "we" not cut out for? The person doing this has mental health problems, and that doesn't preclude any area of work.
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Ed Goodman

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PostPosted: Tue Apr 09, 2013 6:10 pm    Post subject:
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Yeah, well...

To be more specific, I think that techies just want to work, and we get pleasure/energy from the success of that work. The folks with these types of issues are more into the social status and politics of the office life.

So they get good at working the system for their own gain, and they have no problem with throwing someone else under the bus to get their numbers up in whatever measurement scheme is popular in a given quarter.

In a larger company, they can just float from one manager to another. Or better yet, sit in one spot and let those managers float past them.

And yes, I would say I'm unlucky too. However, I admit I make my own luck because I can't stand bullies, and I try to give as good as I get. So far, I'm batting around .750.
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