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Senior Member

Joined: 28 Mar 2005
Posts: 1452
Location: Chicago, IL

PostPosted: Fri May 13, 2005 9:49 pm    Post subject: HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION
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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat?

Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing

more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your

system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even

more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one

to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable

oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the


A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You

should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!

It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to

the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and

well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Chardonnay in one

hand and strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally

worn out, and screaming: "WOO HOO! What a Ride!"For
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