Joined: 28 Mar 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
|Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat?
Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing
more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system. Need grain? Eat chicken.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even
more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable
oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You
should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to
the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and
well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Chardonnay in one
hand and strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally
worn out, and screaming: "WOO HOO! What a Ride!"For